When you're arguing with your spouse, things can become heated. This is especially true when you're in the process of getting a divorce. Once you've accepted that your relationship will not work out, and saving the marriage is no longer an option, it becomes easier for resentments to grow. Even small arguments can seem to blow up out of proportion because of all the pent up emotions. 

1. Don't match their anger.

When your spouse is angry and you can sense that the situation is escalating, do not match their anger. It's easy to go into an argument thinking, “If they're going to get mad, then I'm going to get mad too.” But it doesn't have to be that way!

By refusing to match your spouse's anger, you can sometimes keep things from getting out of hand. You might try telling your spouse, “I understand that you're stressed because I'm stressed too, but getting angry at one another is not going to be beneficial to either of us.”

2. Speak calmly, carefully, and quietly.

A calm voice can also help you deescalate the situation. It also helps to be extremely careful about your word choice. You will want to defend yourself without saying anything that could be used as fodder for your spouse's anger. It is best not to bring up past arguments or to blame them.

Speaking quietly also helps because your spouse will naturally have to quiet down their own voice in order to hear you. It is much easier to have productive discussion when you are not yelling at each other.

3. Know when to walk away.

There are some arguments that are simply too heated to be productive. Both parties need to be reasonable in order for productive conversation to occur. When emotions are running very high and one or both parties are very upset, it's best to take some time to cool off. Excuse yourself and go away — whether it's to a different room or out of the house completely. If an important conversation needs to be had, you can have it later. However, you will often find that what you were arguing about does not have that much significance in the long run anyway.

4. If you're getting divorced, do so with the help of an experienced attorney.

Having a divorce attorney to represent you can spare you from many bitter arguments with your angry spouse. If you live in Cabarrus, Catawba, Cleveland, Gaston, Lincoln, or Mecklenburg County, we can fight for your interests in your divorce or separation. Give us a call at (704) 861-0700.